What If? Most folks seeking counseling and therapy feel that there is something wrong with them and, try as they might, they cannot get a handle on what is happening. In our culture, there must be a designated problem, or they would not go to see a “shrink” in the first place. Western psychology and psychiatry is all about sickness and takes a reductionist approach to this dilemma. In other words, these highly educated and trained professionals evaluate what is “wrong” by sorting out symptoms presented by these people and decide what is the core issue in order to formulate a diagnosis. A diagnosis is loosely defined as the best theoretical description possible of what is being observed at the moment of observation.
After formulating a diagnosis, the professionals then inform the client of what they have found and typically have a pharmaceutical remedy and information sheet to provide before dismissing them to follow-up in a month or two. This practice is seen as efficient. It rarely occurs to the professionals that the patient usually does not speak the language of psychology or medicine. Instead of seeing the diagnosis as a theoretical descriptor of a core issue, the patient tends to define their problem and themselves by however they understand the diagnosis. They then must rearrange their world around this “thing” that causes their suffering. This reinforces the idea that there is something “wrong."
What if there is nothing wrong? What if they are just stuck in a cycle of thinking or acting? Being stuck is something that we are all familiar with: Stuck in the snow or mud; stuck in a relationship; stuck in traffic; stuck at work; stuck with the kids, the in-laws, the relatives, the dog, etc.,. The idea is that, yes there seems to be a problem, but it is seen as a temporary thing that will eventually be resolved. And it is usually the result of many things occurring at once that supports a reaction within us.
We often get really upset when we’re stuck, but we don’t define our existence by this issue; its just irritating for the moment. Yes, occasionally, the relatives stay forever, the dog won’t quit pooping on the rug and what you thought was a ditch you ran your car into turns out to be a thousand-foot cliff and you lose your car. But admittedly, that degree of stuckness is pretty rare. What would it be like to look at most of our cognitive and emotional issues the same way? In most of our depressions, anxieties, trauma responses and about 85% of what we call addictions we are just stuck in a feedback loop continually reinforcing that feeling that we have a permanent problem. Why do we feel that there’s a problem? Because we are suffering.
Our egos are incredible problem solvers and if we are in physical, mental or emotional pain, the ego is looking for the “thing” (outside of ourselves, including a diagnosis), that has to be the reason we are feeling this way. Maybe, once upon a time, there was a significant moment, or injury, or person that caused us immediate harm or continued harm over a period of time. That was truly pain. But after that, when we find ourselves with a similar feeling, the ego will link this new, future experience with that past experience and call it “the same”.
The stories our egos wrap around our painful experiences are the source of our real suffering. We continue to relive these experiences and because the mind cannot distinguish the difference between present experience and memory, we continue to suffer. It would be like an artist that paints a shadow over every new painting.
So, what if there was a different way of looking at these things that have hurt for so long? What if we could name and acknowledge those painful experiences but no longer suffer from them or define our existence by them? What if we could look at those experiences as painful blips along our timeline…but for the most part, our timeline is straight and true? What if we found a way to become un-stuck?
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